Widow's Journal

Psalm 62:8---Pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.

My blog has gone quiet over the months since I last posted. That was before cancer made an intrusion and God showed me how He is still my refuge, my place of strength and peace when I am given a new “assignment” in serving Him and sharing how He brings hope out of darkness. Not only in loss and widowhood, but He has walked with me through breast cancer, surgery, twenty-eight days of radiation, and now guiding me into two years assigned for a chemo med. God is still showing me He is my source of joy and hope.

So, as I found that journaling my widow pathway was a help, I began reflecting and journaling across this new “adventure” called cancer. We read in the Psalms that we are to “Trust in Him at all times…” Yes, like the valley of loss, we are to trust in Him, in His leading and His sacred “assignments” at all times. What is my response to this news? I realize now that others are observing how I respond to the new “task” God has called me to. I know I can be, like Paul in the book of Philippians, confident that what God has in this asking is for my growth and His glory.

Confident: that has been my “word of the year” for 2025 and oh, how God has been leading and seeding the field before me. In Philippians 1:12, Paul states, “Now I want you to be aware brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually advanced the gospel.” Three years into my widow journey, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It wasn’t a path I had anticipated, but then, I should realize by now that God assigns the ashes of the unexpected to lead us to the beauty of the unimaginable. Therein lies the “exceedingly, abundantly” of Ephesians 3:20, “according to that power that works in us”. He has a plan, and my response to that plan is what can encourage others in a similar situation to see Christ, to look for that gospel answer that brings salvation, and to respond with joy and hope. Real hope.

Joy and cancer seem like unlikely friends. There’s a stark difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is an emotional reaction, likely to change with the next breeze from a different direction. I was not happy to get the news about my cancer diagnosis. But joy is deep within, springing from the trust and assurance we have through the Holy Spirit, a deep knowing that I can trust God no matter what and that He has the best in store for me. I did not have to despair about cancer any more than I had despaired about becoming a widow. Yes, the emotions of sadness are there as well as anxiety about what to expect, but God was working a deeper response in me to trust Him, to pour out my cares, to hold on to trust and joy.

So, once again I pour out my heart to Him, as the Psalm says. I pour out the fear, the unknown, the waiting, the hurting. God is my only safe place, my refuge from this new storm. He is my Place of Safety from wondering about next steps, because I trust He knows every bend in the road ahead. Even more amazing than what He already knows, He already sees the opportunities ahead of me I’ll have where I can share His hope with those with whom my path will intersect. And I can pour out the praise in my heart for all He has yet to show me of His faithfulness and His strength. I cannot pour from an empty container, but His Spirit fills my heart with joy that comes from knowing He does all things well. And so my new assignment begins.